The long-awaited Cowboy Carter review.
Plus: Fantastic Four, my birthday, and Leo season
It was my birthday yesterday, so I saw Fantastic Four: First Steps with some friends last night, followed by margaritas and wings at a new fave, SET L.E.S., and then a couple martinis with my friend Juan at a longtime fave, Art Bar. Some pros of this evening: the movie. I’ve been a longtime Fantastic Four fan. When I used to flip through the back issues at my neighborhood comic shop in Milwaukee (Collector’s Edge on Burleigh and 78th), I would always gravitate to The Amazing Spider-Man, ‘80s Avengers, and Fantastic Four comics from the '70s and '80s. All three titles were essentially soap operas, featuring large casts and complex interpersonal dynamics. First Steps followed that route, presenting a quieter, retro, stylized interpretation of the FF instead of focusing on a big, splashy villain and an extreme amount of destruction to Manhattan (there’s still quite a bit, duh). Amid a Marvel Cinematic Universe, it felt like its own entity. Also, it’s the first film to give Sue Storm (Vanessa Kirby) the strength she wields (she couldn’t even move a damn helicopter in Rise of the Silver Surfer!!!), Johnny Storm (the incredibly hot Joseph Quinn), the intelligence he deserves, Ben Grimm (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) three-dimensions as a character (he cooks!!), and Reed Richards (Pedro Pascal) feels like a genius instead of a buffoon. Plus, the score slaps (shout out to Michael Giacchino, gagging the girls since Alias and Lost), Herbie the robot is cute, the Silver Surfer is a real character, and Galactus looks cool as hell.
Some cons: I was forced to see the movie at Regal Cinemas Essex Crossing because my friends are Regal Heads… and I missed my AMC soda machine! I don’t want to drink a Starry (I don’t drink Pepsi)! I want a peach Coke Zero! Or a cherry and peach Coke Zero! Also, there was a couple having an argument in our row during the entire movie. This leads me to the next complaint: when did everyone get so damn annoying?
I know it’s Leo season, not just because it’s my birthday, but because “Leo season” has become a goldmine for content creators on the internet. Even for people who don’t care about astrology, so you’re welcome! But as I stepped out of my apartment yesterday to meet my friends for the movie, I walked into the middle of someone filming a TikTok. Granted, I do live in the West Village (for now, I’m heading to Bed Stuy soon), so this is to be expected. But the shocking part was that the content creators in question were mad at me for interrupting their filming. Filming that was literally happening outside my apartment building door. The fuck?
Have you ever looked at the comments on a TikTok where someone accidentally walks into frame? There are always people chastising the person for doing that. As if we’re all supposed to just let people interrupt our lives constantly so they can film content! I still get second-hand embarrassment from the purposeful disruption of other people’s lives for the sake of filming a fucking TikTok. If that makes me an old, angry millennial, then so be it. The need for everyone to be a misanthropic asshole demanding that everyone else around them take part in a 30-second video for their own engagement is rude as hell. If everyone wants to act like a Leo, then what’s the point of even being a Leo anymore?
Build Beyoncé, Then We’ll Talk
I did not feel any anger at missing Destiny’s Child at the final Cowboy Carter Tour show in Las Vegas. I’ve seen them reunite live at Coachella! I’ll be sad when I miss them doing some other songs besides “Lose My Breath,” “Soldier,” or “Survivor.” Can we get some “Apple Pie à la Mode” up in this bitch?
With that being said, Kelly Rowland looks so fucking good. As always does. She was the absolute best judge (along with Liam Payne 🥺) on Netflix’s weird new music competition show Building the Band (more on that later this week). This much recent Kelly content has made me want a new album from her. “Kisses Down Low” played at the restaurant last night, and it made me so happy hearing it in public. Kelly, feed us! But also, you’ve done enough for me in my life — Kelly was my first celeb podcast interview on my MTV podcast Speed Dial.
She complimented my nose during the interview, which is the best compliment I have ever received in my life. I’ll never get a nose job.
Anyway, back to the show at hand — Cowboy Carter and the Rodeo Chitlin' Circuit Tour. I saw it in New Jersey and in London. The New Jersey show was memorable for it being my first time (after avoiding all spoilers online!), but I barely remember any of it because the entire evening was hectic. We got out of Manhattan late due to rain and traffic (it stopped raining before our show, though). Someone on the party bus made a “playlist” of Beyoncé songs, which was just every single of hers from Destiny’s Child onward. In order. Chile. I tried to play “Telephone” and some heffa on the bus skipped it because she didn’t like Gaga. I added in some remixes, some Nicki and Bey, and my fave (deep cut to many on TikTok, I guess???) Bey features on The-Dream’s “Turnt.” The original playlist creator was NOT having it. I am never taking a party bus to Beyoncé again and certainly never attending with people I don’t already have an intimate Beyhive relationship with!