The All-New Real Housewives of New York
Check my shakshuk-nique
Much like a rebooted ‘80s kids television show, I have been referring to season 14 of The Real Housewives of New York as The All-New Real Housewives of New York. If you’re a Bravo fan, you’re familiar with the previous thirteen seasons of the show which starred in various seasons: unhinged margarita sales woman-cum-grocery store vlogger Bethenny Frankel, lounge singer for drunk white women and gay men without hobbies Countess LuAnn DeLesseps, the only Trump voter I wanted to watch on TV (besides Omarosa) Ramona Singer, maybe broke gay ally (she follows me on Instagram!) Sonja Morgan, and an assortment other middle-aged women who drank and screamed at one another for sport.
Then the show added a Black cast member and Ramona’s worst behavior was on display and she became so untenably racist that they canceled the reunion for season 13 and fired the entire cast. She’s since been back in the extended Bravo family on Peacock’s Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip, which I’m thankful for, because yes she’s awful, but man do I love watching her on television. Sorry!
This new incarnation of the series has brought on six new women to carry the mantle of New York Housewives and honestly? I’m obsessed. The show feels fun and light again after so many Housewives franchises have been bogged down in vicious fights and lawsuits and legal scandals. The first episode had the women arguing about whether or not they’d be caught dead at the restaurant Catch in 2023. I would not, but also because the only people who go to Catch are wanna be Instagram influencers, PR people, and Lizzo (her literal favorite restaurant in LA, so I guess I know where the paparazzi will be parked!). The second episode introduced us to Erin Lichy’s Hamptons home and now the real mess of the show has begun in our third episode of the series. I don’t have the patience to recap this show but I will share my power rankings each week because what is New York if not about who’s on top?
6 - Jessel Taank
Tagline: “I always bring the flavor. It’s not my fault you don’t have any taste.”
I don’t actually know what she’s brining to the table as a housewife. But so far… there’s no flavor whatsoever. I’d love for a chic Indian housewife who’s not a flop but so far all she’s done is berate her husband (whom she hasn’t had sex with in a year and that man is fine so what’s really going on here?) and also be incredibly rude to everyone else, but not even in a shady way! When she realizes Erin’s home has shitty wi-fi and no heat (girl, what?), she mostly just passive aggressively bitches about it instead of giving us a, “girl, let’s put some shoes on and go find you a home!” moment. Jenna Lyons (more on my icon later) gifts everyone lingerie for their Hamptons sleepover and Jessel hates it so much that she goes on an extended rant about how ugly it is. She’s a pill and I am so far not a fan.
5 - Sai de Silva
Tagline: “In New York there’s a lot of bad apples, but I’m the baddest of the bunch.”
I am leaning towards loving Sai, mostly because she has her producer hat on. Jessel was talking shit and might’ve gotten away with it if Sai hadn’t called her out at lunch and made her apologize to Jenna. Plus, Sai shared a wonderful story about how she grew up poor and was embarrassed by her dad’s dollar store Christmas tree as a kid but it taught her the importance of family. And then another story about how she dropped out of college because she was broke. She’s a fascination housewife and the show feels a lot more aspirational than it ever did. It feels like a group of women who all had dreams that they worked for and have achieved. Even if they’re delusional and over the top, there’s at least that base to start from.
4 - Erin Lichy
Tagline: “I’m a true New Yorker. The only bull I’ll take is by the horns.”
Let’s get this out the way — Erin might be the new Ramona. The Federal Election Commission database shows she donated four times to WinRed post-election. She has since proclaimed in Variety, “I do not deny the election and have never supported stop the steal. I unequivocally believe that the 2020 Presidential election was fair and the President was rightfully elected.” Does that make me dislike her? As a human being, probably. But as a reality television character, she’s incredibly fascinating. One, she’s a cancer which explains why she’s so pushy and takes things so sensitively, like feeling bad when Brynn skips dining at Catch with her to go to Casa Cipriani instead. Then there’s this week, where she’s upset that Jenna left her Hamptons home in the middle of the night (at 10pm, mind you, to sleep at her own Hamptons home several minutes away because she had a 6:30AM call). She claims Jenna killed the party (they went to bed two hours later?) and prevented her from making shakshuka for everyone in the morning.
This is an incredibly funny Housewives fight because I can see many of the sides but I am firmly not on Erin’s because one, I’m not staying in your cold ass house (the heat wasn’t even working in the upstairs bedrooms) and also struggling to fall asleep when I have a call in the AM! Also, eating shakshuka before a workout (Erin brought a trainer over to workout with them) is very weird. Erin is mad Jenna didn’t want shakshuka and so Erin decided not to make it, but then Jenna left anyway, so Erin could’ve made it. She could’ve made it even if Jenna was there! Shakshuka was my first quarantine meal. It’s incredibly easy to make.
But you know what I love in a Housewife? Someone who will not let things go. But I’m gonna need her to shake the table a bit more than holding petty grudges.
3 - Ubah Hassan
Tagline: “The secret ingredient? Darling, it’s me.”
Full disclosure: Ubah and I share a mutual and she has followed me on Instagram. But I can be impartial here! Although there’s no reason to be because Ubah is fabulous. She’s Chanel Ayan’s cousin, so duh, but she also just brings a general chicness and fun to every scene she’s in. She hasn’t had to do much so far besides look good and be really funny (she’s kind of like Kiki Barth on Real Housewives of Miami in that regard). When she saw Brynn arriving in the Hamptons wearing a fur coat and said she was serving “Mississippi” and not the Hamptons I died. Also, she managed to get Jenna out of her button down and jeans for dinner and into a black Herve Leger dress, so congrats on styling an icon. Ubah might be an icon herself.
2 - Jenna Lyons
Tagline: “My lashes may be fake, but I definitely keep it real.”
One thing I was going into this series was a Jenna Lyons stan. She’s an icon, she’s a legend, she’s the moment. Aside from being impeccably chic, she’s also gives great confessional. “Are you shak-shitting me?” was the best part of the episode. Also the moment where she talked about how cold it was at Erin’s and said (only to Sai), “My glasses are about to fog up.” I need her to bring that energy to her actual scenes, but right now I’m loving how she’s trying to figure out how to be authentic on the show. I just hope these crazy heffas don’t run her outta the show before she gets to blossom into the reality tv star I know she can be.
1 - Brynn Whitfield
Tagline: “I love to laugh, but make me mad and I’ll date your dad.”
Some people think Brynn is trying too hard. And while she might be, I don’t care because she’s the best part of every scene she’s in. Last week, which she missed, desperately needed her burst of bubbly, self-involved energy. From the moment she arrived in the Hamptons and muttered, “This is an interesting part of the Hamptons… South is where it’s at, but this is fine,” I couldn’t stop laughing. She drummed up conflict as soon as she found out Jenna left early and accused Erin of forgiving Jenna more easily than she did Brynn for skipping out on Catch. Which was ludicrous, because Brynn was doing the most when it came to the restaurant and took weeks to apologize, but it was at least fun to watch. But not as fun as her flirting with Brynn’s trainer and competing with Ubah for his attention. And her insane story about how she flirts with guys by scrolling through her nudes in public. And how she struggled to open up Brynn’s fridge (it’s one of those fridges built into the wall that you have to push in to open). Brynn is a star!
Finally, someone said it! Of COURSE Brynn is trying too hard, and that kind of fierce desperation is just what we need to keep things interesting. She reminds me of early Bethenny. I was skeptical on Ubah but am now obsessed.
Jessel needs to be more interesting to get away with being so mean. I'm constantly overlooking the wild things Candiace says on Potomac because she's FUN.