My first published short fiction piece, “Selling Vermont,” from VOLUME 0 ISSUE 10, is now available to read without a paywall!
An excerpt:
“Black people like to ski?”
My boss, Bret DuMonde, asks me this on the deck of the La Mirage Ski Resort.
He sips a hot toddy and wears a pair of matte silver MYKITA sunglasses, which he’s reminded me at least three times is a Berlin-based brand with a store on Crosby Street. Sarah Jessica Parker has several pairs, and she once complimented him on them in the store. I glance to my right, playing off my annoyance as if it’s from catching sunlight in my eyes. I’d bought a new pair of Ray-Bans for the weekend, but they accidentally broke in my years-old North Face jacket when the Delta stewardess forced me to stick it in an overhead bin. No bags, no jackets in the front row of a cabin during take-off always pisses me off. I lock eyes to commiserate with a gorgeous woman across the aisle in Comfort+, whom I know as a former actress in a string of Kevin Hart comedies, now mostly known for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She smiles at me for a second as if she remembers me. “Kevin?” she mouths. I get that a lot. We look alike. But I’m not that fucking short. Realizing her mistake quickly, she grimaces and puts her headphones in. We don’t make eye contact the rest of the flight, and now I’m here at the La Mirage, being asked if black people ski by my boss.
“We do,” I say. “I come here every year with a group of college friends from Princeton.”
“Well, of course, black people from Princeton ski. I meant regular black people.”
“I’m not sure what you mean.” I’m 100% sure what he means.
Read the rest on Volume 0’s Substack!
My 10 Best Shows of the 21st Century
I didn’t fill out an official ballot for the NYT’s latest engagement bait: The 100 Best TV Shows of the 21st Century. But it does give you the option to vote for your 10 favorite shows, which I did, and I’ll present them to you now because why not?
The NYT’s criteria: “The best TV shows that have premiered since Jan. 1, 2000 — define “best” however you want! Shows can be in any format (scripted, reality, documentary, game shows, etc.) and any language.” This immediately takes my favorite show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, out of the running, though some of its best episodes aired in the 21st century. It also disqualifies The Sopranos, which I’m sure caused multiple television critics to fall to their knees.
Here are my 10 in alphabetical order:
30 Rock
The funniest show on TV ever? I’m always finding new jokes I forgot about when I rewatch this show. A show which is endlessly rewatchable, btw.
Desperate Housewives
The GOAT of primetime soaps. Campy, sexy, funny, and really smart at times. This raised so many gays. I hope to create something as iconic as this show someday.
Girls
I mean, Lena Dunham has so many millennial daughters! She even called “Keep It” my “voice of a generation” in her newsletter, and said very kind things about my career. A dream for someone who watched Girls and found themselves inspired every week.
The Good Wife
This shit is so good it had all of us watching a CBS procedural. Are you kidding me? And it’s not only an amazing rewatch, but it gave us The Good Fight and Elsbeth!
Mad Men
The best soap to ever air on television. Yes, it’s a soap. It’s also a novel in television form. If I can succeed at making something as iconic as Desperate Housewives, I’ll try for something as iconic as Mad Men next. This show was my personality for a while, the way white girl writers on Substack make Joan Didion theirs.
The O.C.
For at least two seasons, nobody did it better than The O.C. Straight boys at my high school liked it. Even straight boys who played sports liked it. Also, this show is the reason my first book, Pure Innocent Fun, even exists. When Seth Cohen read Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs in an episode, I immediately bought it, and my entire life as a writer changed.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Why Atlanta? These women (but Nene Leakes, especially!) gave an entire generation a vocabulary that’s still being used to this day. And still being discovered by younger generations via social media. Put some respect on their names!
Scandal
This is the show that made Shonda Rhimes simply, SHONDA. Have you rewatched Scandal lately? It’s just as addictive. And somehow, more plausible than you remember, given where U.S. politics has gone since.
Succession
Recency bias, probably, but Succession was that girl. We were all talking about this damn show every single week: it Made HBO Great Again. I could’ve picked True Blood, but that show had too many bad seasons…
Survivor
Still the best reality competition series ever. Season 51 debuted last night, and the show managed to reinvent itself with its new Open Era, and it’s maybe the most thrilling that the show has been in years. This show means so much to me and is the basis of so many of my friendships. Thank you, Jeff Probst! I hate you sometimes, but you’re like the dad I never had.
Desperate Housewives 1000%
Desperate Housewives and Mad Men on the same ballot, both proudly called soaps, is the correct take, and I love that you named them as the two bars you're reaching for. "Somehow more plausible than you remember" about Scandal is the scariest true sentence in here. And congrats on "Selling Vermont": "I'm 100% sure what he means" does a whole scene's worth of work in one line.