Another note on grief

On losing a friend

I lost a friend four months ago.

I lost a second one this week. A friend of nearly ten years. I’m resharing the words I wrote about him on Instagram. He was one of the first subscribers to my newsletter, one of the first people I told about starting a podcast nine years ago. I want you all to know how genuinely wonderful he was and not just what I lost last week, but what the world lost last week. A few years ago, my friend Ted Ripple was in a surfing accident that paralyzed him. He was walking again within a year, defying the odds of doctors. We became even closer after that accident. He made me realize how important it is to cherish the time you have with the people in your life. To tell them you love them. I’m sad that I won’t have any more time with Teddy, but I have no regrets about the time we spent together. I always told him how much I cared about him. He always did the same.

Teddy,

Every day I looked forward to what song you’d send me to listen to: new songs, newly discovered classics, goofy J Lo songs that were stuck in our heads... I’ll always remember when we used to drive around LA listening to Jeremih, how we met during a gay poker game, how much we both loved Clipse, how much we both loved Nicki despite everything, every text you’d send me after a date that made you imagine a new future, how you always saw the best in me and were honest about when I fell short of that, how you loved me even when I annoyed you (we’re both Leos so that was often), when you discovered Mariah Carey’s discography last year, how excited you were to tell me you started Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, how you gave us one last amazing trip together in Fire Island this summer, how you happened to be in town during my apartment fire and knew exactly what to say to make me feel better, our last night out together being a Charlie Puth concert and the last time I saw you being the next day when you came to get the t-shirt you left in my bag and we listened to our favorite songs for an hour, the last text you sent me of your favorite Erykah Badu song that I now realize was you saying goodbye to me, how much joy you brought into the past decade of my life. Every time I listen to a new song, I’ll wonder what you’d think of it. And I’ll wish I could send it to you. And I’ll always wonder what music I’ll never discover because you aren’t here to text it to me. I love you, Teddy. You’re gone for now, till I see you on the other side, you’re in my heart forever.